confess it all

so yeah, i miss this boy more then words.

i really just wanted him all to myself tonight
i wanted to hug him, kiss him, play spoons, watch movies, snuggle, be gross,
and all the things we do.
but now i hear he's visiting j & j,
i don't mind about that...
i love them,
it's just, i wish he told me.
maybe he did, maybe i didn't listen like usual,
but i feel sad.
we've been really rocky lately to be honest with you mister blog.
the pills making me evil and schools making him stress.
which means now when he's angry i just get angry too,
which turns into this stupid circle of cranky.
so now all i really want to do with my time is be with him, sleep in his bed, wake up next to him, play fight, talk, lay in the grass, hold his hand, rest my head against his chest... i just want him here.
eh, 4 days till he finishes school - loses his stress.
about 95 untill i lose all this unnecessary emotion.
i'm going back on those tablets,
the pms ones, and mums getting me the herbal version of anti depressants.
i guess she's the only one who sees these things in me.
i'm such a hypocrite. "be happy."
"lifes too short to be sad."
"everything will be okay, it is okay."
i have to say these things to myself aswell lately.
happy tablets here i come!


i wish i was as happy as i was a few weeks ago,
i wonder what made things this hectic.
well actually i know,
a build up of stored feelings and a tiny pill packed with hormones to bring them out.
funny that, a pill so small has such a big affect on me.
mum should get me those herbal pills tomorrow.



eff yeah?