confess it all

christmas day 2009.
it's been a pretty crappy day... yeah sure i love christmas, but it seems the only thing i love about it is the memory or the thought that this year may be better then last year.
it wasn't, it was worse.
i woke up at 7am and went into mums room with a huge smile on my face... i was told to go back to bed because it's too early.
so i sat in my room for 40 minutes and then they decided to wake up.
mum gave me my presents which were lovely, but i would've traded my iphone for a pile of presents with some thought put into it.
then i cleaned my room because morgan is coming for christmas, which makes everything so much worse, i also mopped the floors, did the dishes & played on the computer untill mum and paul were ready to go to lunch.
as we were leaving mum slammed her eye on the fence and ended up going to the emergency room, i got dropped off at nans.
grandma didn't recognise me, and told me i was growing up about a million times, i don't want to be like that when i'm older.
after all that we opened our presents, which was almost none for me.
i got about 4 cards with a little bit of money in them and some perfume... i'm not complaining about the presents, i'm complaining about the about the lack of thought put into them.
i loved seeing my family though, that was nice.
aaand mitch hasn't called me yet... well since 9am.
i've been waiting all day now, he's busy, it's christmas.
but i was meant to go over for his lunch if mine was crap.
and it was. this hasn't been a good christmas at all.
i shouldn't ever expect things to be good... never happens.

this song is lifting my mood, thankyou tracy chapman.


you got a fast car
i want a ticket to anywhere
maybe we make a deal
maybe together we can get somewhere

anyplace is better
starting from zero got nothing to lose
maybe we'll make something
but me myself i got nothing to prove

you got a fast car
and i got a plan to get us out of here
i been working at the convenience store
managed to save just a little bit of money
we won't have to drive too far
just 'cross the border and into the city
you and i can both get jobs
and finally see what it means to be living

you see my old man's got a problem
he live with the bottle that's the way it is
he says his body's too old for working
i say his body's too young to look like his
my mama went off and left him
she wanted more from life than he could give
i said somebody's got to take care of him
so i quit school and that's what i did

you got a fast car
but is it fast enough so we can fly away
we gotta make a decision
we leave tonight or live and die this way

i remember we were driving driving in your car
the speed so fast i felt like i was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
and i had a feeling that i belonged
and i had a feeling i could be someone, be someone, be someone

you got a fast car
and we go cruising to entertain ourselves
you still ain't got a job
and i work in a market as a checkout girl
i know things will get better
you'll find work and i'll get promoted
we'll move out of the shelter
buy a big house and live in the suburbs

i remember we were driving driving in your car
the speed so fast i felt like i was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
and i had a feeling that i belonged
and i had a feeling i could be someone, be someone, be someone

you got a fast car
and i got a job that pays all our bills
you stay out drinking late at the bar
see more of your friends than you do of your kids
i'd always hoped for better
thought maybe together you and me would find it
i got no plans i ain't going nowhere
so take your fast car and keep on driving

i remember we were driving driving in your car
the speed so fast i felt like i was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
and i had a feeling that i belonged
and i had a feeling i could be someone, be someone, be someone


you got a fast car
but is it fast enough so you can fly away
you gotta make a decision
you leave tonight or live and die this way


sorry for a depressing post on what is meant to be a happy day.